


Until You Live

by Scarpath



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Depressed Victor Nikiforov, M/M, Soulmates, Threats of Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:28:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22371046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarpath/pseuds/Scarpath
Summary: Soulmates, a rare and wonderful thing. Out of the billions of people on the Earth, only about thirty pairs of confirmed Soulmates live.Katsuki Yuuri had a soulmate, and he wished he knew who. Every time his soulmate died, he was sent back in time, just far enough to be able to save their life. He didn't know who his soulmate was, even after a large number of times he's had to relive weeks or even months over and over just to save them.He wasn't prepared when he learned who his soulmate was, but he would still do everything in his power for them.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 4
Kudos: 127





	Until You Live

**Author's Note:**

> Mind the tags, please! Most things are must mentions and not written explicitly, but still, take care if there's anything that might trigger you.

“Yuuri, wake up! You’re going to be late for school!” Mari’s shout woke up a nine-year-old Yuuri, who was quite confused.

“It’s break! Let me sleep!”

“No, it’s not. Now get up!”

Feeling slightly bullied, Yuuri got out of bed. He blinked when he realized that his room looked different. Hadn’t he moved his desk somewhere else? And why was his school uniform laid out, it was break!

When he went downstairs to talk to his parents, he learned what it all meant. Somewhere out there, he had a soulmate. Someone who was perfect for him, who could be like his other half.

And time had reversed because his soulmate had died. It had gone back just far enough to give Yuuri time to save him. Yuuri just wished that ‘just long enough’ wasn’t two months. What happened to his soulmate that it required two months just to save him?

In the end, Yuuri went through that Loop three times. He didn’t know what he actually managed to do to end it, but he was just happy it did end.

He Looped multiple times after that, but still could never figure out who his soulmate was. He kept track of the time he spent in Loops, watching as it started to tally up to months, years.

Soulmates were rarely more than five years apart in age. And the second most common cause of death in people of that age bracket was suicide. He doubted that unintentional injury would kill someone in so many separate ways.

Yuuri cycled between anger at what his soulmate was doing to him, and self-loathing over the fact that he continued to fail at finding out who his soulmate was. If he knew who it was, maybe he could help them better.

The only thing that soothed him was skating. Even during the Loops, he was encouraged to take care of himself too, mentally and physically. So while he felt some guilt over training harshly even during the Loops, he did it anyway. Many of his Loops lasted weeks or even months, and his skating improved for the extra training time. Even if he had to retrain his body to match up with his mind every time a Loop happened.

His improved skating brought him to the Junior Grand Prix Finals when he was sixteen. And to the most hellish Loop yet. Sure, it was only six days. But Yuuri didn’t want to just withdraw from the competition simply because his soulmate chose to die at some point during the night after the Final ended.

~~~~

**Loop 1**

When Yuuri woke up, the first thing he did was grab his phone. After the number of Loops he’d been stuck in, it was habit to check the date.

He groaned and flopped back onto the bed when he saw the date. Sure, he was glad that this was a fairly short Loop. However, the timing could not have been worse. He’d just finished competing in his first Junior Grand Prix Final. And now it was just a few days before the event started.

What was he supposed to do that he couldn’t do during the Final itself? He still didn’t know who his soulmate was, they’d passed some point while Yuuri had been asleep. No chance for him to see who it was. So why wasn’t he just supposed to make a statement or something publicly?

Did he have to change his program or something? He was back to exactly the last day where programs could still be changed, after all...

He was so distracted by trying to figure out what to do that he skated poorly. Instead of the fourth-place finish from before he looped, he landed in sixth. His interview in which he mentioned that he was Looping didn’t do enough, and he found himself waking back up in the past again.

**Loop 4**

Nothing Yuuri had tried so far had done anything. He was stressed, grumpy, and overall needed a break. He decided to start planning a new routine. He chose a song about Looping for the free skate. He chose it mostly because of some of the lyrics. 

_ “Another Loop, another time to face the day. I’m sure I’ll love my soulmate, but right now I’m ready to flip.” _

It took a few Loops, but eventually, Yuuri started to land the quad Loop more and more. The Flip came much easier once he was done with that.

**Loop 14**

Yuuri was starting to get more than a little frustrated. He’d already spent nearly three months in this loop, and it was driving him nuts. He switched out his free skate, and skated his frustration in competition for the first time. He flubbed both new quads. 

**Loop 20**

Not even the idea of going to practice the sweet but sorrowful song Yuuri had chosen to be his new short program could get him out of bed. He celebrated the four-month mark with alcohol he most certainly shouldn’t have been able to get his hands on.

He was so tired.

**Loop 32**

Over half a year. Yuuri had been too tired mentally to skate his new programs for quite a few Loops.

He needed to stop moping before he did something unwise.

He practiced his new programs relentlessly. His performances suffered for it, but he didn’t really pay attention to that, nor to his feet, which always looked like hell by the end of a Loop. The next time he performed, he’d blow everyone away.

**Loop 40**

More failed attempts to save his soulmate. More skating practice. Yuuri felt ready to skate his new programs, instead of more moping.

First, he skated to the love he knew he would have for his soulmate, and the pain that he felt knowing they had died so many times. He skated with so much emotion that the entire stadium was silent, just watching him skate his heart out. 

Then he landed the impossible jump. The quadruple axel. It was the final jump in this program, and secured him not only a junior world record but beat out the seniors world record set by his idol, Victor. He was the first to ratify the impossible jump, something that he knew would stick with him forever if he didn’t Loop again and decide not to do it.

He hoped this would be enough to stop the Loops here.

In his free skate, he skated to the quiet, festering anger that he couldn’t shake. The guilt such anger left him with. All of it. He landed both the Loop and Flip cleanly. By the end of it, he had more world records, and he was just... 

So tired.

For his exhibition skate, he skated to loneliness.

Still, if he wanted the current set of Loops to end, he needed to try his best to get through to whoever his soulmate was that they weren’t the only one hurting. He had a press conference set up so he could give a statement.

“I’m sure many of you are wondering where I came from, how I scored so well and had so many quads. The answer is quite simple. I have been stuck in a six-day Loop for forty repetitions. Over nearly eight months, I have tried and failed to figure out just who my soulmate is. For many of these Loops, I did my best to figure out how to fix it.”

Yuuri closed his eyes, and everyone watching could tell just how tired he was. “I was told when I was younger that I shouldn’t let my health, physical or mental, deteriorate, despite the stress of trying to find and save the life of my soulmate. As such, I skate to help with the stress. I created the programs you saw me perform in some of the first repetitions of this Loop, and practiced it when I was too stressed to properly work on finding my soulmate.

“Now, I hope that the scores, much higher than I expected, might have caught the attention of my soulmate.” Yuuri bowed deeply to the camera, pleading to someone who he wasn’t even sure was watching.

“At approximately ten-forty-seven pm tonight, please take care of yourselves. That is all.”

~~~~

When Yuuri checked his phone in the morning, he could have cried at the relief he felt. It was actually the next morning, he was free of the Loop. He stumbled out of his hotel room, planning to make use of the complimentary breakfast. Instead, he was met with the sight of a haggard-looking Victor Nikiforov.

He was used to Victor always having some sort of smile, so it was almost a shock to see the older skater with a frown instead. It started like a sinking feeling, right in Yuuri’s chest. It was hard to breathe, all of a sudden, and quickly it felt like Yuuri was being dragged by the ankle, deeper and deeper.

Would his world even be the same if his sinking, pulling, awful suspicion was right? Yuuri silently opened the door further, to let Victor enter the room.

Once they had settled down, Victor spoke. His voice was raw. “I’m sorry. Soulmates are so rare, I didn’t think I would have one. This isn’t the first time, is it?”

Yuuri’s expression crumpled. Part of his world, the part that looked up to Victor so strongly, shattered. He pulled his legs up to his chest, hugging them tightly. “When I was nine, you would’ve been thirteen. When I was twelve, you sixteen. Thirteen and seventeen. And once a year after that.”

Victor stared at Yuuri with a complicated expression. One that couldn’t fully be read. Tears carved lines down his face. It took Yuuri a long moment to decide how to respond. He forced down the anger that tried to well. He could be upset over the fact that Victor had added something like five years to Yuuri’s life later. When Victor wasn’t suicidal, or in the same room.

Yuuri stood, and crossed the gap between the two beds in the room. He sat down near Victor, and held an arm out in a silent invitation for a hug. Victor seemed to hesitate for a moment, before accepting the comfort.

Victor was shaking. Yuuri’s heart broke a little when he heard the little ‘I’m sorry’s gasped out between sobs.

Yuuri didn’t know anything about Victor past the mask that was shown to the media. Even still, he knew that he’d do almost anything to keep these tears from happening again.

He ran a hand through Victor’s beautiful long hair in what he hoped was a soothing manner. “It’s okay, you don’t need to apologize.”

“I hurt you.” The reply was simple, but Victor’s tone was heartbreaking. Yuuri sighed, taking a long minute to think about how to reply. His hand kept running through Victor’s hair.

“I will never blame you for your depression. Yes, it was hard on me. There were times where I was so angry, others where I couldn’t even get out of bed because the stress was too much. But I also was able to save multiple other lives, since a few of the Loops were weeks or months long. There was an awful terrorist attack when I was twelve, and I broke the unspoken rule that you shouldn’t try to change events, because that one was...” Yuuri shuddered, remembering the terror that had shaken the whole world. The attack might have targeted America, but everyone felt the terror. Wondering if the next attack might target them next.

Yuuri remembered that stopping the attack had ended the Loop. “Were you in America at all when you were sixteen?”

Victor seemed a little dazed at the fact that Yuuri was going somewhat off-topic. “Yeah, I was doing a tour after winning gold in worlds. Honestly, it felt more like an excuse to be a tourist, we even stopped by the twin towers.”

Yuuri shuddered. The Loop ended three days after the attack. Yuuri knew that there were many people who were trapped inside, but it was chilling to think that Victor could have been one of them. Stuck inside the fallen towers. When Yuuri spoke, he sounded spooked. “God, I can’t even imagine... If just for that, I’m glad you don’t remember the Loops like I do. If you were in the towers that day... The Loop ended three days later, they were still digging people out of the rubble...”

Yuuri startled when he felt a hand on his cheek. Victor was looking at him, tear-stained face impossibly soft. Yuuri startled when he realized that Victor was silently trying to get him breathing, because Yuuri hadn’t even realized he was hyperventilating. 

Somehow, their positions had shifted. Now Victor was practically laying on him, and Yuuri didn’t actually mind. The weight of his soulmate was surprisingly soothing. “More talk later, kay Yuuri?”

Yuuri sighed, even as the tension left his body. “Kay. You should sleep.” He rubbed lightly at the bags he could see under Victor’s eyes. 

Victor did as he was told... falling asleep while still on top of Yuuri. At least his arms were still free, even if his kindle was out of reach and he had nothing really to do.

He fell asleep himself, one arm wrapped around his soulmate’s waist and the other hand tangled in his long hair.

He woke up sometime later to the muttering of his ‘coach’, Minako-sensei. He still had a certain Russian playing blanket on top of him. “Minako-sensei?”

“Why is Nikiforov sleeping on top of you?” Ah, ever blunt she was.

“We’re- he’s my soulmate.” Minako made a noise that was entirely too understanding, giving Yuuri’s human blanket a considering look.

“I’ll cancel our flight and go talk with his coach. Call me when you’ve figured out what you wanna do, kiddo.” With that, Minako left the room. Yuuri just sighed.

Victor tightened his grasp on Yuuri, inadvertently letting him know he was awake. “I’m... afraid of telling Yakov. He’s the only family I have, and even then... he’s my coach.”

The admission was so raw, so tender. Yuuri could feel his heartache for this boy. “It will be okay. If he is good, if he lives up to being the one you consider family, then he’ll understand. If not... my family will always welcome you. You don’t have to be alone.”

Victor hiccuped. “How do you know exactly what I need to hear?”

_ A mix between being a huge fan, following my instinct as your soulmate, and a lot of late-night reading about depression. _ Yuuri didn’t say that out loud, instead just settling for, “Instinct.”

Yuuri sighed. They still needed to talk about a few things, and decide what to do. He didn’t like how sad Victor got, though, “I don’t have an official coach. Minako is a family friend and my ballet teacher. Think I could convince Yakov to take me?”

Victor shook his head forlornly. “He’s only allowed to take on Russian skaters. Russia doesn’t like the idea of her skaters losing their coach’s attention.”

Yuuri’s gaze went sharp. “How well do you know international laws surrounding soulmates?”

Victor shrugged. “Not very. I didn’t think I’d have one. There’s only, what, like 30 pairs alive at once? Didn’t think it’d ever affect me.”

“Well, it does. There are tests that can prove one has a soulmate, and that one is in a Loop. I’ve taken multiple tests in multiple Loops. The international soulmate protection agency has already given me full rights to demand testing for anyone I suspect to be my soulmate, and if the tests come out positive...” Yuuri held Victor closer to him, in a possessive manner.

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to do anything you don’t agree to. But if I feel that you should not go back to Russia for your safety, I could easily insure you never stepped foot there again.” 

Yuuri’s tone was dark, possessive. He didn’t know if the shiver that shook Victor’s body was in fear, or something else. He didn’t want his soulmate to be afraid of him, he just needed Victor to know that Yuuri held the power to protect him. “I refuse to leave things as they were. If the Russian Federation values your skating over your mental health, if they insist that you continue to train with Yakov - without me...”

Yuuri moved the hand that had absentmindedly been stroking Victor’s hair to instead cup his cheek and draw his gaze up. When he saw the raw emotion in Victor’s eyes, it felt like all the anger had been punched out of him. How could Victor still look at him with so much trust, when Yuuri had essentially threatened to steal him away?

Yuuri took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down so he didn’t make a mess of things. “What I mean to say, is right now, no one country has the power to keep us apart. If you want to stay with Yakov, the Russian Federation can suck it up, or deal with the fact that we can seek asylum in another country. We belong to each other, not some greedy country that sees you only for what you can achieve in competition.”

Victor’s face fell, and Yuuri wasn’t sure what he’d said wrong. “That is all they saw me as, though. Something they could use to earn more medals. They said that if I didn’t get gold, they would arrange for a scandal, the sort that would keep Yakov from ever getting a pupil again, or arrange an accident.”

Red was creeping into Yuuri’s vision, tunneling it with rage. Victor was crying again, ugly sobs that tore something right out of them both. “When they gave me the drugs, I had no choice. I have proof that they threatened me, but they’ll kill the only family I have left by the time the investigation would finish.”

Yuuri had never been this angry before. He held Victor tightly, unsure which of them was shaking more.

They would pay. No matter what it took,  _ they would pay _ . No wonder the suicide attempts had picked up to being at least once a year. For someone who was already at the brink, that was just salt in the wound.

It took Yuuri a large amount of effort to calm himself down. He needed to be strong for Victor. “Okay. If we can get Yakov out of their reach, what would you want next?”

“I don’t care about the medals, they’re stolen anyways. I just don’t want them to get away with it. I’m too weak to stop them.” Yuuri did what he could to soothe Victor, running a hand through his hair, along his cheek. 

“It’s okay, Victor. We’re stronger together, we’ll put a stop to it. I just need you to be brave and let me tell others what you’ve told me. Can you be brave for me?”

When Victor nodded his consent, Yuuri let his mind race. For once, he had a large portion of the chessboard visible. No longer did he have to guess when it came to figuring out how to help his soulmate.

It was time to remind the world what happens when you harm someone’s soulmate.

Yuuri pulled his phone close, dialing Minako’s number. She picked up before long with a simple greeting. “Minako? This is a little more than I’d have thought. I need you to get Yakov to a safehouse. Bring an agent back with you with a test kit. I’m pissed, they’ve been using Yakov to force things. I’m still working on the plan, but be ready as soon as we’ve got the results. Try to keep it on the down-low, I don’t want anyone to know that Victor is even possibly my soulmate until it’s safer.”

Minako swore. “Got it. I’ll be there soon.”

The phone disconnected, and Yuuri set it down in reach. Minako would be able to handle the start of things. He turned back to Victor.

“The basic plan I’ve got, so far, is to put a temporary ban on travel for both you and Yakov. Physically, he’ll be completely safe. Hopefully, no one catches wind of the fact that we’ve secured him, and we can get the first strike reputation-wise. We’ll start with a rumor. I’ve been trained in a few things in-between Loops, the ISPA, err, International Soulmate Protection Agency, wanted me to be able to protect you best once I found you.

“Anyways, I’ll start by planting a rumor that the Federation is, well, doing something like what was done to you. I’ll have to carefully plant it, so we can make sure it comes to light that he was used pretty much as a hostage. I’m sure he’s not the only one.”

At some point, Victor had rested his ear over Yuuri’s heart. It was the kind of physical reassurance that Yuuri was surprisingly willing to give. He’d never been a tactile person, partially because of his Japanese upbringing. But if it made Victor feel safe, then Yuuri was not only happy, but comfortable providing.

Weird. Must be a soulmate thing.

“What next?” Victor’s question made Yuuri realize that he’d trailed off to gaze at Victor with soft eyes.

He cleared his throat, a bit of a blush staining his cheeks. “After we’ve done what we can to protect Yakov, both of us will join him in the safehouse. I’ll ask for things needed for a broadcast. That’s where you’re going to have to be brave for me. The best way to ensure you’re safe, and never have to do anything you don’t want to, is to reveal that you weren’t safe, to everyone.”

Victor sighed, the sound heavy with more emotion than Yuuri could quite place on his own. “It’s for the best. Every medal has felt so fake since it started. I can’t even enjoy skating anymore. It’s become required if I want to keep Yakov safe, but... Can you help me learn to love the ice again, Yuuri?”

Yuuri rest his hand back in Victor’s hair. “We could move to pair skating, we’ll have to wait for the drugs to fully fade before you can come back to competition anyways. Could spend the time learning a new way to skate, one that’s different enough that hopefully, it won’t constantly remind you of the past, while still being skating.”

Victor gasped, and Yuuri smiled when he saw the spark in those blue eyes. “Yes! Yes, please! That sounds like so much fun!”

Yuuri chuckled. “You’re going to have me wrapped around your fingers. I can already tell.”

Victor tilted his head so he was looking at Yuuri’s face, curiosity in his eyes. “What do you mean by that?”

“I probably shouldn’t tell you, I’ll just be giving you a weapon that’ll get me to do anything.” Yuuri was still smiling widely, finding it hard not to when he saw Victor’s own smile.

“Nothing I do could have that sort of power, could it?” At that question, Yuuri laughed.

“Victor, I’d do anything to see you smile with that spark in your eyes. If moving to pair skating will motivate you, put that spark back in your eyes, then I’ll do it in a heartbeat.”

Victor’s eyes were wide as he looked at Yuuri. Whatever he saw in Yuuri’s expression, it must have been enough to confirm his words. “Wow...”

“If you can’t see your own worth just yet, then it’s fine. Just allow me to show you. It’s not your skating, your ability to earn a gold medal that I want. I want Victor. Just Victor. If that Victor, the one that is truly you enjoys skating, then I hope you get to skate as much as you want. But even though your skating has inspired me for years now... if you never wanted to skate again, that would be fine. I just want to see you happy.

“I don’t know if it’s the soulmate bond, or if it’s just you being you, but in just a few short hours, you’ve captured my heart.”

Yuuri was honestly a little embarrassed by what he’d just spewed out. “That sounds almost like a love confession.”

Yuuri squeaked at the teasing, flushing red. He looked up at the ceiling, and away from Victor’s expressive eyes.

How embarrassing. He’d been trying so hard to hold himself back, not wanting to overwhelm Victor, and he’d gone and outright said all his feelings in one go.

“If that’s how you feel, then I’m really happy, Yuuri. All I’ve wanted for years now is to have someone who loves me for being me. This feels like a dream, but by all means, don’t let me wake up.” When Yuuri looked back down at Victor, he couldn’t name the expression he saw.

“I’ll make sure you’re safe. You don’t have to force things anymore. Just get through this last little bit, and you can take your time and heal, okay? I’ll be here for you as long as you need.”

After that was said, neither of them seemed to have any other words. They were still laying in the same position, with Victor sprawled over Yuuri like a hug and Yuuri with an arm around his waist and another soothing his hair. They didn’t move until Minako let herself and the ISPA agent into the room.

It was time to start the plan. Yuuri placed a kiss to Victor’s forehead, a silent promise. Then, he let his anger swell to the surface, just slightly. His expression firmed with determination.

Yuuri told the ISPA agent to start the test on Victor, wasting no time on introductions. That could be taken care of while the test itself was processing. The agent drew blood, and while he did Victor clutched Yuuri’s hand firmly. Seems needles weren’t a favorite. 

While the tester did it’s work, checking for the abnormalities time jumps caused in the blood, and the connection the blood between soulmates would have, Yuuri got to business.

“Okay, so the situation- The Russian Federation has threatened to either ruin Yakov’s reputation so he will not be able to coach again, or possibly cause physical harm is Victor does not earn international medals. They have forced him to take drugs along that line. Once the test finishes, we’ll need to move. First, we’ll spread rumors to provide a safety net, I know a few skaters who should be able to spread it well. Some other athletes, too.

“After that, we’ll need to move to the safe house. Yakov is to be counted as Victor’s family in this operation. We can extend some of that protection to his other skater if needed. There is to be no travel across borders for Victor, Yakov, and myself at this time.”

Yuuri settled into his role with an ease born from the training he’d been gifted with from the ISPA. He didn’t fully understand why they had insisted on training him so much, but it was proving to be useful. He knew well enough what to do now, how to command things in the right ways. 

Once the tester finished, showing a positive for having a soulmate, and a strong match to Yuuri, it was time to start.

The first part of the plan went well, and soon the rumors were started. Yuuri had been a little awkward about spreading them, but Chris had been all too willing to help when he seemed to realize that they weren’t just rumors. He was a good friend, and apparently knew Victor, too.

  
Then, they were sneaking out of the hotel. They had to send someone to get Victor’s things, where he said a flash drive with proof was hiding.

All too soon, it was time for the reveal. Not wanting to stress Victor out too much or put him in danger, Yuuri decided to Livestream with just the two of them instead of attempting a real press conference. He hated seeing Victor pull up his smile. He could tell now just how fake it was. Still, it seemed to comfort his soulmate, so he didn’t say anything.

A few announcements later, and Yuuri could see viewers start to trickle in for the start of the stream. There weren’t many yet, but he knew things would get crazy once he started.

He took a deep breath, and grabbed one of Victor’s hands in his own. “If you need to leave the room at any point, then do so. Your health is what matters most, so if being in here is too much go to Yakov.”

Victor gave a silent nod, squeezing Yuuri’s hand lightly. He didn’t say anything, so Yuuri took another deep breath and hit the button to go live.

“Hello everyone. I’m here with Victor Nikiforov, and we have a few announcements to make. As much as I ache to say it, very little about this will be pleasant. We will be posting a written summary at the conclusion. If at any point you feel disturbed, please tune out and read the summary afterward. Thank you.” Yuuri gave a slight bow, and let his words sink in.

Possibly overkill to say it like that, but he didn’t want to trigger anyone else.

Victor was the next one to speak, surprising Yuuri a little. Still, he was proud of his soulmate, for managing to speak when clearly his nerves were wearing at him. “Yuuri Katsuki is my soulmate. I learned this last night, when I was at a low point in my life. While you might think earning gold at the Grand Prix Series would be something to rejoice, for me it was not.”

Yuuri ran his thumb over the back of Victor’s hand. The silver-haired man had closed his eyes as if in pain, an expression that tugged at Yuuri in the worst ways. “Can you continue?”

Victor nodded, even as his grip on Yuuri’s hand turned painfully tight. He didn’t say anything though, letting himself be that comfort for Victor. “Years ago, I was approached by the Russian officials in charge of sports, including skating. I was told that if I did not bring my country gold, they would arrange for something to happen to my coach, who was the only family I had left. They left it at that for a while... But not forever.”

With a pained look, Victor turned to Yuuri. “The clip on my flash drive, I took it with a hidden camera when I was called in for a second time. Can you play it on the stream?”

Yuuri gave a hesitant nod. “Yeah, if that’s what you want.” He turned to the camera that was recording them. “Uhm, please keep in mind the warning from the start of the stream. The clip is in Russian, but we had help to give it English subtitles.”

Yuuri started the clip. 

_ [The camera only picks up hazy grey, silhouettes barely distinguishable, like the camera was underneath clothing. A gruff voice speaks in Russian. _

_ “You’ve not been winning gold, brat. Do we need to arrange for your coach to lose all his skaters? Or perhaps ruin his legs?” _

_ The voice of a teenaged Victor is picked up by the camera, sounding shaken and afraid. _

_ “No, sir. I’ll do better.” _

_ “No shit you will. You will be taking these, and you will win after you do.” _

_ A shocked gasp is the only response the camera picks up at first. Then the fabric covering the camera started to rustle, and it slowly became clear that it was because the younger Victor was hyperventilating. _

_ “You  _ will _ take this brat, or your precious coach will suffer the consequences.” _

_ When Victor responded, his voice was very small. He sounded defeated. _

_ “Yes, sir.”] _

When the camera switched back to the view of the current-day Yuuri and Victor, it was to the sight of Victor sitting behind Yuuri now, face pressed into his soulmate’s back. It was clear he would not be able to continue.

Yuuri had to take a moment to calm down, himself; the rage burning through him too strong. After a few deep breaths, he spoke. “For someone who already suffered from severe depression and suicidal tendencies, being forced to cheat at the sport he loves just to protect the person closest to him took its toll.

“He fell out of love with his favorite activity, skating now a burden instead of a pleasure. He distanced himself from Coach Feltsman in an attempt to protect him. And struggled with his depression reaching a boiling point at least once every year. Just last night, it happened again.

“He got the gold that he had to, but it felt wrong. After all, he used to love skating and used to love the competition. But here he was, cheating others out of what should have been their win, even if unwillingly. He thought, not for the first time, that it might just be best if he wasn’t around anymore. If he wasn’t around, then there would be no point in hurting his family, and he wouldn’t be stealing gold.

“But when he glanced up at the time, he realized. He realized, for the first time, that he had a soulmate. Someone who would go back in time, again and again until he lived through the night. And thanks to the International Soulmate Protection Agency, I was able to set up this safety. Please understand the bravery it took for Victor to share this with you.

“While we wait for Victor to be legal for competition again, we will be training for a new division. I hope that by moving to pair skating, I can help Victor find his love for the ice once again. Until then, please support us. Help anyone else you know who might be in the same situation as Victor was, as no one deserves that sort of pain.”

Yuuri turned off the stream, posted the summary, then pushed the laptop away. He couldn’t focus on the chat at the moment, so the stream was over. That was taken care of, so now he needed to focus on his precious soulmate. He turned so he could wrap Victor in a warm, gentle hug. He whispered into Victor’s hair, “You did so well. I’m very proud of you. It’s over now, they can’t hurt you anymore.”

Victor sobbed, and it broke Yuuri’s heart once again. He could tell that this was slightly different. Almost... relieved. He held his soulmate close, whispering sweet things while waiting out the tears.

“Thank you, Yuuri. Thank you, thank you,  _ thank you _ .” Yuuri held his mate that much closer.

“Anything for you. I’m so glad you came to me. We’ll still have to handle some things, but you can finally start to recover.”

Victor gave a watery laugh at that. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s over. Everyone knows now, I don’t have to hide anymore.”

They fell into silence, the natural sort that felt comforting. The kind that said a thousand words, without saying any at all.

_ ‘I love you. I’m here for you. Don’t be afraid, you’re safe now.’ _

_ ‘I love you. Thank you. You saved me. Stay close to me.’ _

It might be too soon. Perhaps unwise to say it just yet. But Yuuri couldn’t help but be the one to break the silence, with a simple three words.

“I love you.”

Victor kissed him, sweet and gentle. It was a chaste kiss, but Yuuri could feel the words all the same, even before Victor pulled back and spoke. “I love you, too.”

They leaned their foreheads together, just basking in the moment. They were safe, they were happy. The rest of the world could wait just a minute, while they had their moment.

~~~~

When they finally came back down to Earth, Yuuri knew it was time to move on to the next phase of his plan, the last one. He stood, and turned to offer Victor a hand up. “Come on, Love. It’s about time we went home.”

Victor smiled, seeming at both the pet name, and the mention of home. “Does this mean I’ll get to meet your family?”

Yuuri nodded with a large grin of his own. “You’re going to  _ love _ them. Okaa-san is really nice, I swear she’s half of what makes it home. Tou-san always silently supports me, and I’m sure he’ll do the same for you. And Mari-nee-san can be a bit mean at times, but it’s all teasing. It’s how she shows her love.”

Victor’s smile softened, and he leaned down to touch their foreheads together in an Eskimo kiss. “I can’t wait to meet them. They sound wonderful.”

Before long, Yuuri had managed to arrange a plane ride for himself and Victor. He still needed to arrange things for Victor’s coach and his four rink mates, but that would come in due time. It was already a lot that Yuuri insisted on getting Victor home, the ISPA was frustrated with Yuuri’s insistence on going before it was fully secured.

Something just told him he needed to get his soulmate further away from the situation. What was better than a good soak in a hot-springs, and meeting your soulmate’s family?

It was already clear that the draw of being soulmates rung true with the two of them. There were many theories about soulmates. From two halves of a single soul, who had been pulled apart but were still connected in many ways, to just two people who fate thought were perfect for each other, and made sure could have the chance. Yuuri didn’t care which was true. Victor was perfect for him, and he was perfect for Victor.

Maybe it was too soon to kiss and say ‘I love you.’ However, Yuuri was mostly worried that it was too soon because Victor was in a fragile mental state. He wanted their relationship to be healthy, and if they moved too soon, he was worried that Victor would end up codependent.

He knew he needed to bring this up. It probably wasn’t the best time to do it while they were on the plane, sitting in the first-class area Victor had insisted on paying for, but it was a good, calm moment with just the two of them.

“Victor, I want to talk about our relationship some.” Yuuri felt slightly nervous about this conversation, not knowing if it was better to be fully blunt or to try to shield things. He’d mostly decided on blunt before he started.

Victor tilted his head curiously. “Sure, what’s up?”

Yuuri fidgeted a little, trying to word things right in his head before he said them out loud. “I’m a little worried. I know we’re soulmates, and normally soulmates go really fast. But you’ve been through a lot lately, and I think it’ll be a lot better if we take things slow.”

Victor hummed, thinking about it for only a second before nodding. “Okay. I trust your judgment.”

And that response only served to affirm why Yuuri wanted to wait. “I don’t want you to rely too much on me for decisions. I’ll still be here for you, of course, but I think it’ll be better to wait on a romantic relationship until you’re ready to stand on your own.”

Victor seemed to understand a little better after that. The small flash of sadness ached at Yuuri’s heart, but it was worth it if it meant Victor could find himself. “I see. You’re so smart, Yuuri. And very right, I’d probably just end up clinging to you too much.”

“Clinging is fine, just as long as you  _ can _ be on your own. We need to be strong on our own, so we can be even stronger together.”

“ _ Da _ . You’ll wait for me?” Victor’s words were barely louder than a whisper.

Yuuri reached across the space between them so he could take Victor’s hand in his own. “Always. Take as long as you need, I need to grow up some myself.”

They fell silent after that, each thinking. Yuuri was glad the conversation had gone well, that Victor had taken it well.

And it was true that Yuuri needed to grow himself- even physically. While in his mind he was older than Victor by a few years, his body was still that of a sixteen-year-old. Soulmates had a legal exception to the age of consent, but it was still very off-putting to observers. It would be nice if people didn’t judge Victor just because he happened to be physically four years older.

Eventually, the two of them started talking about basic things, sharing details about themselves and such. When the plane landed, they were tired but knew each other just that much more.

Yuuri had been right about his family and Victor loving each other. Victor was instantly part of the family. They’d already cleared out an old banquet room in the family quarters, for Victor to have as his room.

~~~~

Recovery was a complicated thing, for Victor. Trips to his therapist sometimes made him feel better, sometimes worse. He had to get testing with the ISU to confirm the presence of performance-boosting drugs, and he watched with bittersweet feelings as his scores were invalidated.

He was told that he’d likely have to wait at least two years to be allowed to compete again. That was both a painful blow and easy to accept, all at the same time. He couldn’t stand skating alone anymore.

The only thing that didn’t leave him with complicated and contrasting emotions was Yuuri. His soulmate. He could still hardly believe it sometimes, that he had an other half. That there was someone so perfect for him, that fate made sure they’d survive to be together.

And Yuuri really was perfect. Sure, they had small arguments, but even the best of couples had those. They worked through it, and stayed together. They weren’t boyfriends or anything like that, Victor knew he still had too far to go before that. In many ways, they were closer than that, though.

They were two pieces of a puzzle, and never was it more clear than when they took to the ice. Sure, they still had a lot to learn to be competitive in pairs skating. But when they took to the ice, they were like one being.

Each time they took to the ice, Victor fell just a little bit more in love. Or, perhaps, it was better to say he healed just a little more. Like he was slowly shedding what had tied him down so long. There were some things he knew he’d carry with him for a long time yet. He’d probably never return to Russia for anything but required competitions. When they could, he’d be skating for Japan with Yuuri, so it would be rare for him to return to his birth country.

He found it hard to skate on his own. It wasn’t impossible, but he’d given up on it a long time ago, knowing it would just lead to a days-long bad mood. When he was with Yuuri, however... everything else faded away.

He could skate joyfully, smile, and overall just have fun on the ice again. Yuuri had done as he’d promised- he’d helped Victor find his love for the ice again. They still needed to work on helping him love all of the ice, including being on it alone. However, the important first step had been taken, and neither of them could be happier.

Coming to terms with everything had been hard. One of Victor’s rink mates had turned on him, calling him nasty things for both taking the drugs and then taking Yakov with him to Japan. Thankfully, however, Georgi, Mila, and the youngest, little Yuri, were all happy to support Victor and had made the move to their new rink along with their coach.

They were technically still under Russia, but there were talks of at least the little Yuri skating for Japan in the future. His grandfather had managed to find work that was easier on his back in Japan, and started the grueling process to gain citizenship. Yuri had been so happy about finally being closer to his grandfather that he’d stopped snapping over being called Yurio.

Victor was doing well with his therapist. She was wonderful, and he was glad he’d stuck through with the process of finding the right person to help him. He had settled with her about two months into his stay in Japan.

At a year into his stay, he was finally ready to move forward with something important. He was waiting on the beach, having asked Yuuri to come talk with him at what had become their place. This one quiet spot on the beach, where even when people flocked to it, it was only ever just the two of them.

When Yuuri arrived, Victor could feel both nerves and a blush on his cheeks. He passed Yuuri the small bouquet of flowers he’d bought. “Yuuri, you are my best and closest friend. You’ve been there for me every step of the way for my recovery. But  _ Yuuri _ , I think I need more. I am a greedy man, and I want you. More than just my best friend. I want my soulmate. If you’re ready, then please stand by my side, as my boyfriend?”

And Victor was a lucky, lucky being, because his angel and light of his life just smiled brightly at him. “Of course, Vitya. I’m very proud of you, and I’d be honored to be your boyfriend.”

And so, while nothing was perfect, and possibly never would be... Victor was happy. Nothing felt as right as skating with his boyfriend, especially when they managed a good run of their program and shared a kiss in celebration.

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this one, and I hope you enjoyed reading it! Please let me know what you think with a kudo or comment!


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